there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
