it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
