Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
