i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
