Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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