I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
