Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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