all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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