Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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