I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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