Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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