Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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