My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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