just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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