a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
