He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
