I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
