why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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