I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
