I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
