I am spending my child support on dildos
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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