It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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