she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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