yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
