woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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