grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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