I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize