The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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