my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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