Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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