So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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