I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
