The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize