oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
