so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
