im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
