Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
