Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
