I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
