i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
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He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
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I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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