I CAN MOONWALK!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
