it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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