Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
