I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
