I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
