Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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