You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
3pm strippers are depressing
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm too high and old for this...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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