just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
