It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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