Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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