I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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