: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I understand Curling. That high.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
