You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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