He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
