just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
