I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
