I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he was CRYING into my vagina
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
