The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
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You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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