you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
