You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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