Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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