i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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