life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
