i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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