I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
