I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize