i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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