I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
