you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
