I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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