You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
