Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
