I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
