Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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