if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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