speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
