singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
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I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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