My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
