I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
