You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize