Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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