Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
