Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
