The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
