naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.