Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"