I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
