I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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