my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
They took my balls.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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