How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
false alarm, still single
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
