is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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