omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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